A Chapter in the Romance of LG and LB
The Moment She Knew
I can't believe it is 5:00 already. "What should I wear? What should I wear?" I was in a fit of commotion trying to get ready for the single ward Christmas party.
"I know there has to be something. Why does it have to be all stuffy Sunday dress?” obviously no one was home to hear me or help me. I would have to make the decision on my own.
"The red one it is. A red dress on Christmas? Hello could I be any more festive". Why am I talking to myself? Better yet why am I so nervous? This isn't my first date with Jeremiah as a matter of fact we aren't even really dating anymore. He is just my friend, right?
Wow, festive yes but how I do love this red dress. Stop gawking at yourself in the mirror and move on to the primping. "O.k., I have 20 minutes until he gets here", Calm down and quit shaking. Why are you so nervous?
Look at that reflection Christy. That is you and you are a beautiful confident blue eyed dream girl. Oh do stop, I am nothing but goofy girl giddy with anticipation. I wonder if it has anything to do with the events of the past week.
We had such a good time on Saturday with my family. I loved watching Jeremiah play with the kids and act like a kid himself. He was truly amazing around my family and he was there with ME to celebrate MY birthday.
So what if he had to leave early because he had a crummy date.
Of course on Tuesday the actual date of my birthday he didn't call and he couldn't hang out because he had another lousy date. He did take the time to put a card on my car, even if it did take me until the following day to find it. It was a pretty disappointing card, "You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose......... But you can't pick your friends nose." Who gives that kind of card to a girl? I know who! A friend, that's who, you are just FRIENDS!
Friendship set aside tonight Christy you are his date. Did you hear that? "Tonight you are his date!" Sigh, where is my make up bag? Ugh, mirrors can be so honest, "Or maybe me are just going as friends".
Five thirty just as planned and as always he is being a perfect gentleman. Opening doors for me and asking that all too perfect question, "Are you comfortable?"
I can’t even remember a time that my date actually picked me up at my door. Oh, scratch that I do remember. The only other time my date ever picked me up at the door was the first two times that Jeremiah and I went out.
Of course those dates were before the awkward two months of me being inactive and Jeremiah having a steady girlfriend. I will never forget how those long and lonely two months ended.
It was Thanksgiving and all of my LDS friends were home from school and eager to get me back in the LDS ACTION. Of course it was easy when I was with them. They were truly the greatest friends a girl could hope for.
It makes me laugh to remember how they insisted that I prayed with them. I can still picture all of them kneeling down in a cozy circle with Kristen at the lead sharing her sweet prayer of gratitude and hope for my poor pathetic lost soul. Oh what those girls must have thought of me, how easy it was for me to just slip away from the Gospel. Poor little fickle me!
Jeremiah recognizing the silence decided to chime in, "Did you have a good birthday?"
This quickly snapped me out of my thoughts as my heart raced at hearing his voice. What is wrong with me, I didn't even fill this way when we were dating.
"Oh it was o.k., I just worked", snickering I asked "So, how was your date?"
He was always good at returning smiles and glad to see her smiling, he wasn't so great at reading her sarcasm.
"I told you, she was just a friend that was moving and I took her to dinner," he was still smiling.
He was right he did take the time to mention that she was just a friend. Even so a date is a date. More silence followed and I was glad to have the time to finish my earlier thoughts of visiting with my friends.
After the sweet but seemingly unnecessary prayer we all parted ways. They really sincerely seemed worried about me. Rightfully so, I don’t know why but I am just not as strong and unmovable as them. A quick flutter in my stomach reminded me of the consequent events.
I was unlocking the door eager to be home again after my trip when I heard the phone ringing. Throwing everything down and flinging my keys onto the counter I answered the phone. It was him, it was Jeremiah. After two months of not hearing from him or seeing him at church (my fault for being so easily lead astray). He was calling me, but why?
That is how we became reacquainted only this time he wasn't asking me out on a date he was calling to make sure I was going to attend church. Sure on occasion I would hang out with him and his friend Jeff at FHE and once in awhile they would invite me to tag along for other things. Mostly it was just Sundays. That is how it had been just friends just hanging out just making sure fickle little me would show up at church on Sundays.
"You are quiet tonight", with a quick glance and smile to follow he seemed curious about my thoughts.
"My being quiet surprises you?" I challenged.
Being the absolute nice guy that he is he would never answer honestly.
Not sure what to say he responded with a "No I was just..."
"I am kidding I know I talk a lot, it is o.k. for you to think so too." He is so polite sometimes too polite.
"We’re here" I could sense an obvious relief in his tone.
Again he opened my door only this time I was not lost in thought. Well I was lost in thought but they were all thoughts of him. He looked so good in his dark green suit and his masculine scent made my heart race. In the darkness I could see the outline of his lavish lips, they always looked so kissable. I knew he wouldn't but I hoped that he would reach down and grab my hand placing a gentle kiss on my finger tips.
As we made our way into the cultural hall we stopped to greet all of the many people that I probably would have known better if I wasn't so flighty. When we found a table to sit at he pulled my chair out and looked me straight in the eyes and for the first time all night I could see them.
Those blue eyes that I love, the brilliant blue eyes that speak to me and say "friends, really are you sure?" oh he is so handsome.
I didn't speak much through dinner I just listened to the conversation and looked around the room. I was identifying all of the people that I knew which was not many. I didn't mean for it to happen but I started to measure people up. Look at them through different eyes, the guys I wished would ask me out (you know the drop dead good looking ones) the guys that had asked me out (you know the almost good looking ones).
Suddenly I was beginning to see all of the guys that I had ever dated or even wanted to date. Oh, regret, heartache, stupidity, loneliness and betrayal so many feelings were briskly rushing through me and I could not stop them.
Why is this happening to me now? I tried to stop the thoughts by engaging in conversation but I was at a loss for words seeing as though I had not been listening for the past five or more minutes.
I took another look around the room only this time my thoughts were becoming clear and I knew. I looked at Jeremiah who was smiling and chatting with everyone at the table and I knew, I just knew.
As if I was taking inventory of the poor unexpected man sitting next to me I began to think of everything good that he portrayed. Jeremiah was positively the most decent and humble man I had ever known. On top of that he was so utterly handsome with his exquisite dark hair, endearing blue eyes, broad shoulders and alluring smile. Why couldn’t I see it before?
At that very moment I knew inside and outside of this structure he truly was the only person I ever want to exist with. Not just for this moment but completely. I was thoroughly shaken by this understanding.
I think he could read my face because he gently put his arm around my chair and whispered, "Is everything alright?"
"Yes I am fine", but I wasn't. Already the idea of him being next to me had altogether changed. Or should I say the thought of him not being next to me for keeps.
I was rendered speechless, so of course I relied on my sarcasm to pull me through, "I heard there was going to be some pretty intense entertainment tonight."
There it was that luring smile, "Well I don't know about that".
"Darn that was the only reason I agreed to come", why did I say that? Oh I am nervous and words are just slipping out.
The music started, there were a couple of women singing Christmas carols. I wish I could hear what they were singing but all I could think about is how he had a date the following night with some nutty girl from his work. He was taking her to their work Christmas party. I was seriously going to lose it if I didn't get a grip.
The entertainment portion of the evening ended rather quickly and it was finally time to leave. I was looking forward to being alone and being able to talk to him. What would I say, (I had an epiphany tonight at the party and I think you should know that we are meant for each other. No really, you should cancel your date and marry me instead.) Oh my word that is hideous.
"What?" he asked with a quizzical glance.
Did I say something out loud? "Nothing, I am just thinking that's all." Oh great why don't you invite him into your thoughts.
Wow almost on cue, "And what would you be thinking about?"
We are almost to the car and I think I can claim chilliness. "Just thinking about how cool it is outside. Don't get me wrong I love it, it was just unexpected."
"Well, let's get to the car and I will turn the heater on", he is always so genteel.
The drive home was long and full of dull forced conversation. I had to snap out of this, but how could I? I have never in my entire life felt what I felt this night. An indestructible longing and absolute self confirmation that he was the one that I wanted be with.
When we finally arrived at my home he kept the car running and turned to look at me. I couldn't believe it, he wasn't going to go straight way out of the car and be Mr. Courteous door guy. I guess we are going to talk.
"Was something bothering you tonight", he is so obviously in tune.
I must answer truthfully and not sarcastically. "I’m fine, just wondering something" I was trying to buy myself some time to think of what to say next.
"Like what?" he was curious now.
"Well as I see it," oh I am clever. I put my hand up in the air four fingers extended. "Let's see we have four girls right?"
"Um, o.k." he was wondering where this was going.
"There is Shelly" one finger down, "And Megan" another finger down, "And Celeste" one more finger down just leaving my index finger standing.
Looking more then a bit interested he asked, "And where do you come in?"
My heart fluttered, he did put me in this mysterious dating girl category. Better yet he wanted to know where I fit in and I was about to show him.
With only my index finger standing I said, "This one is me, Christy. This finger, you know the one that symbolizes number one? That is me."
"Oh I see so you are number one?" Was he asking a question?.
"I think so," I was beginning to doubt my clever plan.
He looked at me with a fun mischievous grin and said that one word that I love to hear him say, "Absolutely".
He didn't me kiss me goodbye that night he just walked me to the door and gave me a friendly hug. I can't lie I was pretty disappointed. However now I know that he recognizes that it is more then just a mere friendship we share. Much more!
After the door closed behind me and I was ready to retire to my place of slumber I couldn't help saying out loud, to myself "Absolutely".
Authors Notes:
I loved writing this, especially around Valentines Day. I actually gifted it to MY LB for Valentines Day. He loved it!!
I have thought of this moment quite frequently throughout our marriage. It is a FANTASTIC reminder to me that I surely have the most wonderful man for me.
Do you remember that exact moment that you realized there was not any one in the entire world that you would rather be with then the man sitting next to you? It is an amazing thing!! However much I remember this moment I do not remember our first kiss. Can you believe that? I know it happened sometime between the date in the story and Christmas but my mind is foggy. I am sure whenever it was it must have been wonderful.
Would you like to hear a funny story? I myself did not hear this story (I did not think it was funny) until we were married for sometime. Well that is a lie, I lived half of the story.
It was a couple of days after the very Christmas mentioned in the story and my ex-boyfriend on and off for four years (from age 16 to 20)showed up to my parents home to wish me Merry Christmas. I don't remember much of the visit except for this one question he asked me, "Do you love him enough to marry him?" I answered truthfully (that's important) and I never saw that boy again.
Meanwhile (remember I didn't know this until after we were married for some time) Jeremiah was visiting his Aunt in Utah and doing some skiing with his sister.
Well, Jeremiah had a girl on a mission that he was writing to (I knew that part)and she just happened to get his aunts phone number. O.k., this is how much I was adored by the fam, his mom who knows good and well that she should NOT have given the sister missionary his phone number in Utah did it any way. I think it was a desperate attempt to get rid of the fickle little Mormon girl. Do you blame her? I mean like I said and I always say, without me Jeremiah would probably be married to a Relief Society President but without him I would be a lost sheep.
So here he is talking to the Sister Missionary on the phone and she tells him she loves him. So what does he say back? You guessed it, he told her he loved her. Don't forget I am back home breaking all ties with my EX.
He claims he said it out of obligation and if you know my Jeremiah he does aim to please. When he got home from his aunts he Dear Janed her, is that better or worse?
Either way that story ends well for me. I got the guy!!!
I love how she loves to look at herself in the mirror. Mostly I like that she likes what she sees and wants to keep on looking.
